This is my confession. By doing so, I’m hoping to have a complete and documented view of the changes that occurred within the past 10 years, roughly speaking, and how I handled the situation. Sometimes this resulted in greatness, more often than not, I find myself wishing I could have done it differently, or more intelligently, or less seriously, etc.; you know…hindsight…yah dah yah dah…
Let’s hope at the end of this that I will have some insights about love, dating, marriage, married with children, etc. to pass along to my kids……………………………….too much to ask for……………? Probably…but hey, by the time they’re able to comprehend anything on this page, they’ll likely think I’m crazy any ways, so this will give them confidence that they’re not too far off the mark :o) So here goes…Dating (2.5yrs): what I see in Dave during our dating phase
He’s smart, easy going, clever, funny, supportive (not blindly supportive) – I mean, when he disagrees with me on something, he’d tell me…but he also include “but if you’re determined to do xyz then I’ll support your decision”. That’s perfect for me cause I’m not a fan of blind faith, loyalty, love, etc.Married (3yrs): What I see in Dave during our marriage
He’s smart, easy going, clever, funny, supportive (not blindly supportive) – I mean, when he disagrees with me on something, he’d tell me…but he also include “but if you’re determined to do xyz then I’ll support your decision”. That’s perfect for me cause I’m not a fan of blind faith, loyalty, love, etc.Married with Children (3.5yrs): What I see in Dave when we had kids
*He’s smart, why can’t he figure out that THAT’s not how one xyz with a baby
*He’s too easy going that nothing seemed out of order even though the house hasn’t been cleaned, laundry hasn’t been washed, bottles hasn’t been cleaned, kid’s crying, oh THE CHAOS!!!, but he sits and watched TV.
*Now’s not the time to be clever, quit goofing around and leave me be so I can figure out why this kid is crying so long and so loud and AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
*It’s not funny. It’s not funny. Yes, I lost my sense of humor in the mist of sleeplessness, anxiety from having a baby (what if I missed something that I should have done, or done something I’m not supposed to and she gets hurt or worse….OH THE ANXIETY!!!
*How can he be so supportive? What if I’m doing something wrong and end up hurting our kid. Maybe he should be less supportive and more protective of his kid from me and my uncertainties. :o
OK, from the above, in retrospect, I clearly see that HE didn’t change throughout the pages of our lives. I, yep, I changed, or my perception of things changed. How could that be? Well, it seems that my perception of him went from adoration and admiration to simply and plainly critical.
How did this happened?, beats me. Apparently having a kid changed my perception. Why? I don’t know. Maybe someone or someONES might have insights into it and tell me one day, or heck, maybe I’ll find my answer during one of my “deep thinking” moments. I am of the opinion that having kids is the biggest challenge a couple can go through together.
Specifically, I’m wondering if it isn’t the biggest challenge A woman (or maybe just me) can go through without ripping her husband into shreds, and if the man can withstand some claw marks and still come out ok, well, as ok as could be given the circumstance, then things would eventually be hunky dory again, and even stronger as a couple…so we all hope right…?
The good news is, my “married with children” perception was short lived…well…it depends on who you ask. If you ask me, I recollect that my skewed perception occurred the first 8 months of having Franki, then 6 months after that from having Vince…maybe…?
Any ways…one thing I do know for sure is that the change in my perception of my wonderful husband and exceptional father to our kids was not him, but me. Yeah…I guess I just don’t deal well with having REAL responsibilities. I went through life with the attitude that if I lose a job, I’ll find another; if things didn’t work out with a boyfriend, I’d find another, etc., but a kid? If things didn’t work out with taking care of a kid…[shudder]…I still get beads of sweat at the thought…
Moving on…my marriage survived the crazy days of post partum perception (PPP), but that’s really a testament to Dave’s resilience and love. I think that I would single handedly destroy all that we have if it wasn’t for him and his determination at not accepting the crazy chick he saw in me as a norm. He rode out the storm called Post Partum KIM which brought with her the wrath of post partum perception. Fortunately, the storm passed, like all things in life… :o) now we have…calm and peace…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…zen……..
